Biblical Divorce: What Does the Bible Really Say About Marriage and Divorce?

(www.sass-pants.com) — A tweet from Divapalooza led me to an article about the concept of biblical grounds for divorce. Author Shane Vader Hart does a beautiful job of explicating some key scriptures surrounding this issue, but I think there’s more to the issue.

As Hart points out, God hates divorce. When a man and woman marry, they are to become one flesh. Under Mosaic law, divorce was permitted as a concession, not as a commandment. But Jesus said that “anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness ["fornication," KJV], and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9), and Christ’s teachings cancelled out the Mosaic Law (see also Ephesians 2).

Does Jesus explicitly say that divorce is prohibited? In the preceding verses is this exchange:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

If divorce isn’t man separating what God has joined together, I don’t know what is — so I think we can safely conclude that Jesus was not pro-divorce. But did he rule it out completely? He said “anyone who divorces his wife except for marital unfaithfulness [fornication].” In the event of one partner’s unfaithfulness, the innocent partner has the option to divorce the offending spouse without fear of committing adultery if he or she remarries. (Widows are free to remarry without fear of committing adultery because death breaks the marriage bond.)

Husband is to impart honor to his wife, love her as he loves his own body, and provide for his family both materially and spiritually. But not every husband does that, which is the point Hart is commenting on in . What happens when a husband is abusive toward his wife? He may beating the ever-loving crap out of her, but not cheating on her. What can the wife do? Here’s one take on it that I heartily support:

Should the battered wife leave her husband? The Bible does not treat marital separation lightly. At the same time, it does not oblige a battered wife to stay with a man who jeopardizes her health and perhaps her very life. The Christian apostle Paul wrote: “If she should actually depart, let her remain unmarried or else make up again with her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:10-16) Since the Bible does not forbid separation in extreme circumstances, what a woman does in this matter is a personal decision. (Galatians 6:5) No one should coax a wife to leave her husband, but neither should anyone pressure a battered woman to stay with an abusive man when her health, life, and spirituality are threatened.*

In other words, while a wife should not separate from her husband, if she must, she should stay single (and uninvolved, chickie, because you’re still a married woman and the last thing you want to do is be an adulteress when you’ve worked so hard to follow the rules so far) unless she reconciles with him. Divorce and separation are NOT the same thing. Divorce implies that you want to be free to marry someone else. Separation can mean many things, but in this case, it would mean that staying with your spouse endangers you and/or your children.

However, I would add that eventually the abusive husband, when he’s not getting any from his wife, will likely look elsewhere, which would give her scriptural grounds for divorce and the ability to remarry in good standing with God.

Is divorce in the case of adultery a scriptural requirement? Absolutely not. But it is permitted, and if a couple divorces because of it, the spouse who didn’t cheat would be free to remarry with a clean conscience. And while the Bible does not permit divorce for any other reason the scriptures certainly do not condone violence, especially toward someone who is supposed to be flesh of one’s own flesh:

Spouse abuse is a brazen violation of Bible principles. At Ephesians 4:29, 31, we read: “Let a rotten saying not proceed out of your mouth . . . Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from you along with all badness.”

No husband who claims to be a follower of Christ can really say that he loves his wife if he abuses her. If he were to mistreat his wife, of what value would all his other good works be? …Can violent men change their behavior? Some have. Usually, however, a batterer will not change unless he (1) admits that his conduct is improper, (2) wants to change his course, and (3) seeks help. …Of course, for a batterer to change his behavior involves more than not hitting. It also entails learning a whole new attitude toward his wife. …There is no room for a despot, tyrant, or bully in the Christian family.—Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29.*

Hart concludes his post by asserting that there are no biblical grounds for divorce, but I disagree. When one has grounds for a lawsuit, that doesn’t mean one is required to sue someone; it simply means that he would be justified in doing so. The same is true for the Bible’s view on divorce: while the scriptures do not require it, they make it clear that fornication is grounds for divorce.

What do you think?

*The article this excerpt comes from is the third in a series. Start here and use the arrows at the bottom or the links on the left to read the whole thing.

Contents Copyright © 2009 Kristen King

(image)

Tagged as: abuse, bible, can a wife divorce her abusive husband, christendom, christian, christianity, divorce, does the bible allow divorce, domestic abuse, domestic violence, is divorce biblical, marriage, my husband abuses me, my husband beats me, my husband hits me, Relationships, Religion, scriptural justification for divorce, scriptural reasons for divorce, spousal abuse, spouse abuse