We’ve talked. I know where he wants his ashes to go. I think I know where I’d like mine to go. His children get the bulk (rightly so). My children get mine (again, rightly so). We provide for each other as best each of us can. And we give to each other regularly (dinners out, little presents), which I think is more bonding than the post-death grabfest some families get into.

My Mom had a will but we have not been able to locate it in the couple of months since she has passed away. This has made things VERY complicated. So, I guess writing a will is important but so it letting someone know where in the world it is located.

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My father-in-law (a retired corporate attorney) drew up wills for us as a present shortly after my husband and I were married. At the time, I thought it was a little weird and sort of morose (congratulations on getting married, you two, and here’s your death documents!), but now I’m glad we have them. (Funny side note: He had to redo them once because he didn’t realize that I wouldn’t be changing my last name to my husband’s. That was awkward.)

Ed and I first made out our wills when we had only one child (my daughter from my first marriage, during which there was no will in place!), and then we revised it only within the last couple of years, at which point we had three children, the first one grown. Our daughter, almost 26 now, would become our young sons’ guardian should both of us die before they reach the age of majority. We chose her, rather than my in-laws, to be their guardian because my in-laws are elderly and raising two boys would be too exhausting for them. It was a relief to have come up with a solution for that possibility.