I’m worried that you may be missing out. This is important, and it could change your life, so listen up:
You “deserve” anything you give so much as a passing thought to — and even stuff you may not have thought of at all.
If you want that new television, go ahead and buy it even if you can’t afford it! Don’t worry, they offer no-interest financing for 12 months. And by the time your first payment is due, maybe someone will magically offer to pay for it on your behalf. Same thing with the dream house that’s way out of your price range. You deserve it, so don’t take no for an answer
See that ridiculously oversized meal that’s new at Arb McWendkingway? All 4,000 calories of it? Get it, baby. You don’t need to sully your incredibly worthy hands by actually preparing a meal. And of course don’t worry about how unhealthy it is; you’re clearly entitled to excellent health no matter what you put into your body.
Oh, and that minor fender bender you were in a few weeks ago? The one that caused zero damage whatsoever? You deserve justice. Call your local ambulance chaser legal professional right away before someone else gets your money, because you are clearly the victim here.
By the way, you’re worth it. Whatever it is, you’re worth it.
You deserve everything, and if you don’t get what you want when you want it, you need to fight back against the people who are oppressing you. You are entitled, and you can’t let anyone take advantage of you by standing in your way.
Okay, enough of that. Let’s get real now.
Where did this concept of “deserving” things come from? If you don’t earn something, you don’t deserve it. Maybe we should share this brilliant insight with the parents who go after teachers for failing their cheating kids — and the principals and school boards who support those whackos. Or maybe we should share it with basically everyone in this country under the age of 65, at which point someone seems to have poured stupid juice into the US water supply to make us think we get something for nothing.
Wanting things does not entitle you to them, and acquiring things comes with consequences. If you want a McMansion, be prepared for a McMortgage. If you want a spouse, be prepared to work for a good relationship. If you want kids, be prepare to raise them. If you want a promotion at work, be prepared to go above and beyond, and stay there.
I heard some great insight for a former sales manager that really resonated with me. She talked about how she always taught her employees that making 100% of quota was the minimum expected of them, not something to toot their horn about. “100% is a C,” she said, “and if you want an A [raise, promotion, etc.], you have to do more that only what we hired you to do.”
In some ways, I think this entitlement thing is generational, but it’s a larger cultural issue. The buy-now-pay-later mentality that has become the basis of our [crumbling] economy has supported the expectation for instant gratification. There’s no delayed satisfaction anymore, no investment, no hard work. We see it in the insane upswing of lawsuits where before there wasn’t even a second thought. We see it the young employees who sulk if they don’t get a gold star every day for showing up for work, because that’s what they were accustomed to by an indulgent and ineffective school system. And we see it in advertising, which although never having our best interests at heart, is now blatantly preying on our baser instincts.
Where I think I see entitlement’s effect the most strongly is in self-esteem. Schools, entertainment, magazines, advertising — it’s all about having great self-esteem. Yet mysteriously no one seems to have it. Why is that? It’s because self-esteem is earned. It’s respect you have for yourself because of your character and your actions and your achievements. There is hardly a real achievement anymore; showing up is good enough. Every kid who plays in the league gets a trophy, because we’re all winners here. Everything must be inclusive at all times. And God forbid anyone deny you something you want, you’ll sue him.
If we want self-esteem, if we want to have nice things and satisfying relationships and a good education, we have to stop coasting. We have to stop falling back on this “But I deserve it, I’m worth it!” mantra. If you haven’t worked hard toward a specific goal you don’t deserve it. And you know it. That’s why so many people feel so empty inside, no matter how many material possessions they have — because what they really need is a sense of SELF-worth, and all they’re really building is shelf-worth.
Here’s my advice. Shape up. Or at least make sure that in all of your material pursuits (what you can fit in between your frivolous law suits, that is), you don’t purchase a mirror. You wouldn’t want to have to look yourself in the eye.
This is Part 2 of a 3-part rant. Read Rant Part 1: YES – If You’re Fat, You Need to Lose Weight
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Kristen, I’m never bored when I visit this blog and I hang on every syllable ’till the very end. Truly, you’re a pro with words. Gee, you must be a writer!
Seriously, though, this topic came up in conversation just the other day. It’s crazy that VERY small children have cell phones, DVD players, their own TV, castles in the yard to play in, laptops–the list goes on.
I did have a blessed childhood. At one point, I even had my own bathroom. I did have a TV–although it wasn’t brand-new. And although my parents helped me get a car, I was responsible for the insurance and fuel.
So, while I enjoyed a nice room and nice things, I was taught to set goals and work hard to achieve them. I’m certainly not perfect and have messed up along the way, but my parents instilled values deep into my soul. I have to say my grandmother did, too.
This rant really is entertaining but like you said, so serious. I think it’s sad once people realize that all the fancy stuff given to them doesn’t make them happy.
What you said here really says it all, I think:
We have to stop falling back on this “But I deserve it, I’m worth it!” mantra. If you haven’t worked hard toward a specific goal you don’t deserve it. And you know it. That’s why so many people feel so empty inside, no matter how many material possessions they have — because what they really need is a sense of SELF-worth, and all they’re really building is shelf-worth.
Shelf-worth. Wow. So true! And I think one of the reasons so many people are cruel and spiteful is that they do eventually realize that they actually don’t deserve whatever it is they’re after and they hate the world for it. If we happen to take up space in their day, we get the blame, eh?
And your last paragraph when you mention “shaping up” brought a flood of memories back to me. I remember my grandmother’s famous phrase: Shape up or ship out!
The old way was hard but there sure was a lot more character, don’t ya think?
Great job, Kristen–and I SO enjoyed reading this! And I do hope it truly resonates with MANY people who have been living as if they’re entitled or a victim.
Kudos to you for a life-changing rant!
*smiles*
Michele
Hi Kristen!
I agree with you totally. Reminds me of the HS in Plymouth, Minnesota, that had 27 valedictorians in its graduating class a few years ago. I moved away before I heard what happened the following year.
Best,
Rick
It’s how some attorneys stay in business – convincing everyone they deserve compensation for being idiotic enough to sit with a boiling cup of coffee between their knees. The moment we take personal responsibility out of the picture of human behavior, we create entitlement. “I’m entitled to shoot that guy because he bought the car I was entitled to.” Sounds laughable, but that kind of mentality is sold to us and our kids every day.
My sister teaches elementary-level students. She said the worst students are the ones whose parents back them up on this “He can do whatever he wants because he’s misunderstood.” She left one job because the principal/finance director (charter school) told a parent in front of her that Ms. X doesn’t know how to discipline her class. Not “your son’s been disruptive and is now becoming physically so. Get him out.” Nope. The school would lose money, you see. No, instead the parent’s complaints about her son’s behavior actually being punished were rewarded with validation to allow the little punk to continue acting any way he wanted.