Personal Stuff

Parentheses and Terminal Punctuation

April 19, 2010

The last six weeks of my life have been punctuated by awkward phone calls full of bad news, visits to one hospital after another, and sleepless nights on uncomfortable chairs in sterile rooms. Although my family has been historically pretty healthy, we’ve been dropping like flies lately. My current illness, a particularly persistent cold that’s [...]

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The Year I Grew Up and Other Stories

March 19, 2010

I will forever remember 27 as the year I finally grew up — and not just because it was the last year I could legitimately describe myself as being in my “mid-twenties.” When I was a kid, I looked forward to middle school because those 12- and 13-year-old girls just really seemed to have it [...]

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Tomorrows and Yesterdays

July 31, 2009

Last night I watched Gone With the Wind for what I later realized was the first time in at least six and a half years. I discerned this fact while trying to analyze why I bawled through virtually the whole thing. For a movie I’ve seen at least a dozen times, that struck me as [...]

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“Hurtin’ for Certain,” but at Least My Hands Have Stopped Shaking

January 2, 2009

(www.sass-pants.com) — I think it was God’s way of telling me that fast food really is bad for me. Okay, not really, but I won’t be swinging by the local McDonald’s for a snack again any time soon. When I stopped for a Big Mac Meal on Tuesday, I got in a car accident in [...]

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Run for Your Lives! My Zit Is Taking Over the World

December 24, 2008

(www.sass-pants.com) — I guess all the nostalgia of rereading my middle school and high school journals has thrown my skin into some kind of tailspin or mega regression, because I have the worst pimple of my life on my chin right now. My husband regarded it with a mix of horror and awe, observing, “Wow, [...]

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Overheard at My House — December 20, 2008

December 20, 2008

(www.sass-pants.com) — Who said being married is no fun? Him: <looking at the bank statement> Did you make an online purchase from something called Wicked Temptations? Me: Uh, no. Him: Are you sure? Me: You’re kidding, right? I think I’d remember buying something from a place called Wicked Temptations. Him: Well, maybe it didn’t say [...]

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Friday, July 5, 1996, 12:04 a.m.

December 18, 2008

(www.sass-pants.com) — I recently rediscovered a stash of childhood journals, which include some laugh-out-loud entries. Like this one. Dear Journal, I just got back from the Lake Tranquility 4th of July party. The fireworks were awesome! I stayed afterward, until Daddy had finished cleaning up the display. C. and I hung out together, and she [...]

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I Take Back Everything I Ever Said About Bridget Jones

December 15, 2008

(www.sass-pants.com) — What seems like a lifetime ago, I wrote a post called “Why I Could Never Be Friends With Bridget Jones.” My comments, in part: Bridget’s on the right track when she resolves to take better care of herself by cutting back on the ciggies and the booze, but the fact that she measures [...]

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I Can’t Stop Thinking About My Brother Tonight

November 25, 2008

(www.sass-pants.com) — Most days I’m fine. It’s been almost 6 years since my brother Jesse died. But tonight, I can’t get him out of my head. These nights, playing my guitar is what gets me through. Or maybe it makes it worse. I honestly haven’t decided yet. Yet. Like it just happened. But it’s been [...]

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