I’ve been on a self-improvement kick of late and have been taking a hard look at myself and my life. Something that keeps coming back to me are excellent pieces of advice I’ve received over the years.
- “Just because someone has a lesson to learn doesn’t mean you have to teach it to him.”
- “Do what needs to be done when it needs to be done the way it needs to be done whether you feel like doing it or not.”
- “When you’re wrong, admit it. When you’re right, shut up.”
- “Never stop being your husband’s girlfriend or wife’s boyfriend.”
Particularly as I’ve been trying to improve my marriage to a wonderful man whom I adore by making changes to myself, I’ve realized that these brilliant recommendations apply in so many areas. How could you put them to use?
“Just because someone has a lesson to learn doesn’t mean you have to teach it to him.”
Who Said It: My mother-in-law (DH’s mom)
What It Means: Let’s face it: Some people are just jerks, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But most of the time, folks aren’t trying to be mean, annoying, inconsiderate, etc. When they do the things that drive you nuts or make you cringe, they’re just oblivious to the fact that their actions are wrong, inappropriate, or otherwise disquieting. While it sure would be nice to believe that your saying something about it would solve the problem, chances are that ain’t happening. So unless you’re in imminent danger, let it go.
Where You Can Use It: Everywhere. Whether it’s the driver who cut you off in traffic or the spouse who never manages to get his/her clothes into the hamper, is it really worth ruining your day? Some things just aren’t that important. Clearly if that guy is driving so fast he has somewhere very important to be. And clearly you care more about the little details of laundry aim than your partner does — so get out of the way and pick the clothes up yourself.
Why It’s Hard to Do Sometimes: I believe that we were created in God’s image (Gen 1:26,27), and the Bible tells us that He is a lover of justice (Ps 37:28) who feels hurt in his heart when he sees bad things happening in the Earth (Gen 6:5,6). So if we were made to mirror his qualities, it’s only logical that we would also feel hurt and even indignation when we see wrongs being committed around us, however minor. The big difference is that where God can see what’s in people’s hearts, we can’t — so it’s not up to us to make decisions about other people’s intentions or “teach them a lesson” when we don’t like something they’ve done. (This, of course, does not apply to things that are dangerous or illegal, in which case we have a moral obligation to speak up, but that still doesn’t mean we have to do the teaching. We can stop at the calling-the-police. It also doesn’t apply to providing your children with appropriate loving discipline and guidance. But you knew that already.) [click to continue…]
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My fifth anniversary is coming up in September, and I’ve been asking myself this question for the last few months: Would I like to be married to me? I’m ashamed to say that, with the exception of approximately the last six or eight weeks, the answer has been no.