Kristen King » photo

What Happens When You Can’t Bring Yourself to Say No to the Makeup Counter Lady Who Desperately Wants to Give You a “Smokey Eye”

Kristen King — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 02:53:39 +0000

(www.sass-pants.com) — I had no idea that trying on that turquoise eye shadow would lead to THIS. Thanks, persistent makeup counter girl with the unpronounceable name. I now look like a cheap whore who was attacked by a peacock, and my husband can’t stop laughing.

Said my friend Betsy, who was there with me, “It was so bad, it was all I could do not to laugh. I wanted to grab that girl and say, ‘Stop doing that to my friend!’” I wish you had, Betsy; I wish you had.

Dog Disasters: Today’s Episode of “Things the Dogs Destroyed or Ate” — A 30-lb Bag of Dog Food and 9 Rolls of Paper Towels

Kristen King — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 21:50:33 +0000

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — I’m either a glutton for punishment or just slow on the uptake, because I thought I could run out to the post office for a few minutes the other day without worrying about the dogs making some kind of mess. We don’t let them loose in the house when we leave anymore because they’re so darn creative and brilliant at getting to things the shouldn’t have, and I figured there was nothing that would appeal to them in the mudroom or garage in the 15 minutes I was gone.

I was wrong.

I managed to pick up most of the dog food before I thought to take a picture, and about half of the paper towels were somewhat salvageable, however slobbery. None of them can go on a paper towel holder, though because the dogs ripped through so many layers that the individual sheets are no longer connected in most cases.

Sigh. When will I ever learn?

Pet News: Photo of Horse Stuck in Tree to Pay for Photog Daughter’s College

Kristen King — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 19:59:03 +0000

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — The next time your pet does something kooky, snap a picture. You might get lucky and find that it pays off, like these folks did.

Pet Humor: Great Dog Costumes — Pitbull Lion

Kristen King — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:39:04 +0000

(www.meowbarkblog.com)

Birds-Animals-Nature photo

Dog Disasters — Today’s Episode of “Things the Dogs Destroyed or Ate”: 10 lbs. of Flour

Kristen King — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 21:10:15 +0000

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — We came home from visiting family last night to find a white explosion all over the kitchen and living room. We should have known better than to leave the flour on the counter in preparation for tonight’s fried chicken dinner. But honestly, what is appealing about 10 lbs of flour? The world may never know. And my rug will never be the same.

My bedspread will never be the same, either, because about an hour after we got home, Pickles projectile-vomited a disgusting green half-liquid, half-paste mixture all over it. Oh, and have you ever used a regular vacuum to suck up 10 lbs of flour? I don’t recommend it. And neither does the manufacturer, I’m sure.

These dogs are VERY lucky we love them so much. Otherwise, we would be selling them to the circus, I swear. Oh, and did I mention how fun it is to clean flour from every surface in your home two days after getting in a car accident and having limited to no mobility due to back injury? It’s a blast.

Previous episodes:

Pet Humor: When Your Reindeer Is Just Too Wide to Fit in the Back Seat

Kristen King — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 19:46:54 +0000

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — My husband snapped this picture on the highway today. You have to give these people points for creativity!

Ty’s Surgery Was a Complete Success

Kristen King — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 17:37:38 +0000

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — Tomorrow marks three weeks since Ty’s cruciate ligament surgery. He got his stitches out six days ago, and the doctor proclaimed him “the healingest dog I ever saw,” saying he was doing better at 2 weeks than most dogs were at 6 weeks.

Of course I’m one proud mommy!

He is almost back to normal, which is great except that he has three more weeks of not being able to do anything but laze around the house and go outside only on leash and only to potty and come back in. He’s bored out of his giant, giant skull, but his attitude is positive (if mischievous).

Oh, and did I mention that we’ve completely given up on trying to keep him off the furniture?

Pet Humor: How You Know You’ve Taken Your Love of Animals Way Too Far

Kristen King — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:19:27 +0000

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — We’re in the market for a new couch, and I came across this nightmare in one of the local furniture stores. It was so ugly that I couldn’t believe it was real, so I had to take a picture.

One indicator that you may have taken your love of animals too far: You put THIS hideous thing in your living room.

Being Separated From Ty Is Killing Pickles

Kristen King — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:05:14 +0000

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — I didn’t realize exactly how co-dependent our dogs are until Pickles couldn’t be in the same room as Ty for what seemed to her an interminable period of time. This is from the second day he was home, and it’s only gotten more pathetic:

She just sits outside the office door and cries all day when he’s in with me. I think she’s actually making herself sick with sorrow over not being able to lick Ty for cumulative hours daily. They have started napping nose to nose under the gate, but every time I try to take a picture, they move.

I tried holding her in my lap so she could see him, but she went so crazy that I had to put her back out of the room for fear that she would snag his stitches with her insane clawing to get free.

It’s kind of completely heartbreaking.

Why We’re Best Friends With the Emergency Vet

Kristen King — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 10:52:34 +0000

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — Ty wasn’t even home for 12 hours before we had to rush him to the emergency vet.

This dog is terrified of baby gates, so the first night he was home, we put him in my office with his e-collar on and put up a baby gate and figured he’d be just fine while we went to dinner. We locked the other dogs in the mudroom with the dog door and headed out.

When we got home, Ty met us at the door. Yeah, he jumped over the baby gate out of the office. For the first time in his life. The same day he came home from the animal hospital from major surgery. And apparently he didn’t quite clear it, because it was dangling from the door frame.

He was just as happy as could be, but we were totally freaked. We rushed him to the all-night emergency vet, convinced he had ripped open his internal sutures, where they said he was just fine and sent us home. (That would be after Jesse and I waited in the exam room for an hour snipping at each other because we were so freaked about Ty.)

No more alone in the office when we left the house!

Then, two days later, Jesse took the e-collar off to get Ty his dinner, and about two nanoseconds later, Ty licked open his stiches and was gushing blood all over the floor. Twenty minutes of hard pressure did nothing to stop the bleeding, so we wrapped him with an Ace bandage and carried him out to the car. I basically laid on top of him for the 30-minute drive to the all-night vet’s office to keep him from jumping around in the back seat.

And then we got there and he had stopped bleeding. Awesome. The vet, a different one, cleaned him up and said he didn’t even need new stitches and sent us home.

Since then, he’s made a few other attempts to thwart the baby gate, but no more bleeding, thank goodness.

This dog will be the death of me yet.